It’s well written, and stands true that “hurting people, hurt people”. This is a reality of life that is inevitable to a hurt person who acts surreptitiously to the fact that they need inner healing. Emotional pain is a condition that has proved to be one of the worst forms of human suffering. It’s a state that needs healing that medicine/ drugs can’t cure. Healing of the intangible parts of self; the emotions, the heart, the soul, the mind, and even the spirit
I set to write on my journey towards inner healing which doesn’t stand unique from what others have written, but I strongly believe that the uniqueness of personal experiences provides a door of breakthrough for someone else who could be lost in trying to find answers to a similar but unique situation.
I lost my biological father just when I joined my first year at the university. The dawning of such a fact was a hard reality to live with. Well, life separated us from the time I joined form one in high school after both my parents had moved to our rural home in search for greener pastures. Though he was absent physically, the emotional biological touch was still there, and I felt secure and protected, furthermore he was still providing. When death took him completely, I was left wounded and empty. At the time, I kept myself feisty, burying my ocean of thoughts and tears within me, something that had great ramifications on me later on.
I felt the need for security that a father figure could provide, this was an emptiness resulted from my father’s absence in my teenage life. By the time I was in my second year I entered a platonic relationship with one of my close friends, in a bid to fill up the emptiness I felt in the inside; the craving for a father. I committed to the relationship and once again, I felt secure and protected; refreshed and it somehow healed my heart. Unfortunately during our third year of dating, the relationship took a sad course, we broke up! This left me offended and hurt, with many questions that went unanswered. I shed tears of sympathy over the lovelorn pain that was too much for me to bear. It’s then that I realized he had taken a very sensitive role and place in my life as a young girl, the place of a father. Love is not an emotion that can be easily turned off, those emotions won’t go overnight, like a switch that can be just flicked off.
Feelings of negativity and emptiness in the inside in gripped in that lead to self defense and pessimism, and I yearned for a normal life once again. I built walls around me that was my assurance of protection to safeguard my heart and prevent any future wounds. I became selective, my focus became inward and introspective, denying entry to all I feared would hurt me. This made me more hurt and I felt like God was miles away. This kind of emotional pain seems to die out slowly for most women. A point reached where sharing with some of my friends became a lecture, which would make me feel like a lowbrow. Before I knew it, my partner had already moved on, to another courtship, while to me, many were the triggers that brought a sharp pain that highly suggested I was still hurting. Years down the line I could still mourn my dad like he just passed on; I could still hurt the pain of losing a relationship like it just happened. Life became traumatizing.
An offended brother or sister is harder to win than a fortified city;
It was harder to win myself back again to a normal and victorious life. I sought to discover myself and stopped listening to those who pressed down my feelings, who dismissed my emotions and made my struggles seem insignificant. I felt okay to cry and feel sad. Many break up with their partners, lose their loved ones and it takes them a second to be okay again; but that wasn’t me. My grieving patterns were different and I set to walk with those who’d understand me. I would cry in my room and at home comfortably when alone; but at times when some triggers came, I found myself crying and wiping tears on the streets, in vehicles travelling, during events, I would bend down and release it. The peace I gradually found assured me of not carrying my past to my future.
Acceptance is the first step to peace
I sought Theophostic Counseling that made the pain seize slowly by the day; spent days praying for my life and for every lady or man who was hurting emotionally. I forgave and let go of all bitterness and offense; and accepted that my dad was gone. This brought peace in my heart by the day. The book “the bait of Satan (living free from the deadly trap of offense)”, among many other books and seminars opened my heart and mind towards freedom.
I came to realize, inner healing is your own initiative; don’t wait for the other person to do something to make you feel better. Acceptance is the way to peace and the heaviest burden you can carry is the burden of secrecy. Love doesn’t seek its own, but hurt people become more self-seeking and self-contained, which hurts them the more. But one fact we must appreciate, God is never out of the picture, He is close to the brokenhearted and crushed in spirit (psalms 34:18). The truth is if we don’t risk being hurt, we can’t give unconditional love. Unconditional love gives others the right to hurt us.
Article written and compiled by Eunice Awino